Concerning Married Life
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good
for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each
man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own
husband.
3The husband should fulfill
his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own
body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have
authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by
mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then
come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control.
According
to a 2003 Newsweek study, between 15% and 20% of couples are living in a sexless
marriage, defined as making love no more than 10 times a year. While sex is not
the be-all, end-all to a marriage, it is definitely one of the best ways to
maintain intimacy.
Okay,
now let's look at the list of 8 reasons your husband won't have sex with
you:
1. No Man Wants To Have Sex With His
Mom. This is all about respect. No man wants to have sex with a wife
who is constantly mothering him. If you are always on him, critiquing and
complaining about what he does or doesn't do, then he'd probably rather have sex
with himself because he knows you aren't satisfied with his performance in the
bedroom, either. There's a lot more where that came from.
2. He Doesn't Feel Wanted. Men want to be
wanted. In Shaunti Feldhahn's book For Women Only, 66% of men said it is very important that
they feel wanted by their spouse. Getting sex wasn't enough by itself — just
like wives want to be wanted, husbands also want to be wanted. Your desire for
him is a huge foundation that helps him have confidence in his daily life. I
also talked about this in the last post a bit, the games couples play with sex
about who initiated last time and all that. If there have been times before in
your marriage where you have turned him down, then he just might not have the
guts to initiate sex out of fear of rejection. I mentioned this last week and said that this was his issue
and he needs to lead, but hopefully this helps you understand why he is not
wanting sex and it could be he doesn't want to get rejected again.
3. He's Dealing With Medical Issues or
Depression. It's very possible your husband has some kind of medical
issue or depression that he just doesn't want to deal with. We men ... we tend
to be pretty terrible about acknowledging our weaknesses, even when they're
affecting us and making us lose our appetite for sex. As some of you know, I
was sick for months this past year. One of the medicines I decided
to take (out of the several that were prescribed) knocked me out at nighttime
and left me barely able to wake up in the morning. I noticed that if I took this
pill before bed, I had no desire for sex and couldn't even get it up. Yeah. My
wife actually laughed when this happened and then I grabbed the bottle from the
bathroom and showed her that was a side effect of the medicine. That was the
last day on that medicine. Anyway, there are several different issues your
husband could be dealing with medically that affect his sex life and drive. It
might be time for a trip to the doctor.
4. Flannel Pajamas Suck. Let's just be
honest: guys are visual and if you aren't putting any effort into what you look
like and making the bedroom an incredible place to be, then he might not be
turned on. Life happens — aging, pregnancy, illness, weight gain — you're not
going to look the way you did when you two first met. Fortunately, the deeper we
love someone, the less importance we place on the exterior and the more we focus
on the interior. That said: It doesn't hurt to put in a little extra effort to
look nice for your hubby. Sometimes even a small change can make a big impact,
like resisting the urge to put on ratty sweats as soon as you get home, wearing
a cute outfit instead of frumpy jeans for a night out, or actually putting on
some of the "sexy" lingerie you've bought. My friend Shaunti and I are writing a
book called Visual, talking
about the visual nature of men, and she mentions men's "visual rolodex" (or to
update it: "visual hard drive") in her book For Women Only. Wives should be the default image on their
husband's visual hard drive, so make a commitment to take care of yourself as
best as you can — maybe you'll inspire your husband and the two of you can work
together to get a healthier lifestyle — both physically and emotionally — and
make yourselves visually exciting for each other.
(71.3%
of men in the U.S are obese or overweight compared to 68% of women. So, guys you
got to work on this even more than your wives.)
5. You Pay More Attention to Facebook Than to
Him. Maybe this is just me, but it seems like most men I know are done
with Facebook. If it isn't Facebook, it will be something else next week but
come on, already. The comments, the posts, the likes, the shares ... put the
thing down for a bit and connect with the person in your bed. Words with
Friends, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and all these other things have crept
into our bedrooms and become a distraction. Now, guys are not immune to this
problem — in my house it's ESPN and my "girlfriend" (my wife's nickname for my
laptop), so make an agreement that, after the kids go to bed, you put everything
away and try and connect with each other.
6. He's Getting It Somewhere Else. Studies
show that most (not all) guys need sex every three days or less. If you aren't
having sex anywhere close to this frequency, then I would have to wonder where
else he is getting it — either through an affair or through porn. Don't go
hiring someone from the television show Cheaters just yet, but do have a frank
discussion with him about the possibility. Most guys or gals will lie when
confronted as well, so these are not just easy conversations to ask once and
just accept it and move on. Dive into this and get to a place of honesty — and
don't be afraid to enlist a trusted counselor for help if you need it. (And if
it's porn, we can help. Here are some
resources you can check out to point him to that help.)
7. His Walls Are Up. In the same way that
wives can put up walls, so can husbands. While men tend to be fairly good at
compartmentalizing their needs, it's still possible for an issue to build up to
the point where it creates a wall. It can be a major issue in your relationship
or just in your personal life that affects the two of you relationally,
spiritually, or physically. It could be your own depression or physical health,
or a change in character that has him wondering what's going on. Whatever it is,
look for signals to talk about it, then run toward that conflict and deal with
it. It may be hard, but it's worth it. Talk. Listen. Then listen some more. Own
up to anything you might need to take responsibility for, and remember you're in
this together.
I
hope this helps. I really hate to see married folks not having sex — even
terrible sex is better than no sex. And if your sex is terrible, that just means
you get to practice more!
Get
to work.
Originally posted at XXXChurch.com.
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Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/8-reasons-my-husband-wont-have-sex-with-me-183281/#SPyJMJd0YKMWApqV.99