August 27th, 2020
CNN has been there from the beginning, always running toward the important stories and absolutely never covering them up. We went through CNN's archives and dug up these 14 headlines they published while covering some of the most significant events of human history. They are truly a bastion of truth and honesty in journalism.
2348 BC: Watery But Mostly Peaceful Flood Destroys Earth
1025 BC: David Circumcises 200 Philistines In Mostly Painless Medical Procedure
33 AD: Mostly Peaceful Crowd Demands Jesus Be Crucified
79 AD: Fiery But Mostly Dormant Mount Vesuvius Erupts
1235 AD: Genghis Khan Attacks China In Mostly Pacifist Invasion
1347 AD: Black Death Peacefully Kills Millions, Trump To Blame
1453 AD: Constantinople Liberated By Religion Of Mostly Peace
1937 AD: Hindenburg Has Mostly Pleasant Flight
1945 AD: America Drops Two Mostly Peaceful Nuclear Bombs On Japan
1959 AD: Chinese Citizens Mostly Don't Starve To Death In Great Famine
1986 AD: USSR Reactor At Chernobyl Mostly Not Exploded
1997 AD: McDonald's Unveils Mostly Functional McFlurry Machine
2008 AD: Obama Runs Mostly Scandal-Free Administration
2017 AD: The Last Jedi Mostly Not A Terrible Movie
Great job, CNN! Babylon Bee.
