Somebody Trapped In A Tragic, Loveless Marriage.

Please send this tragic story to everyone you know.
I am trapped in a really bad marriage. It's hard now to look back at what it was like being single.  When I could come and go as I pleased.  My freedom was something I just took for granted.  In fact I can barely remember those happy far off days.
It was meant to be so different.  Yes there were those who warned me and said that we had nothing in common.  People who were very different had come to this conclusion,  especially an old uncle who constantly warned me, saying we were not compatible,  but I never really liked him.  So that might have even encouraged me to take part in this unhappy union but how right he was.
Things looked different back then.  There was optimism about my marriage.  It opened doors,  there was excitement.  A glowing future together that I could never have had or even thought I could have had on my own.
But things began to change all too quickly. Friends and family that had always been there for me stopped coming round,  these were people I trusted and loved.  We spoke the same language but all that had to stop. My new partner wanted me all to himself. He had promised me freedom but the freedom I found was only within the boundaries that he had set.  It soon became clear to me that this was not freedom  but bondage.
His control over me was not just my friends,  it was everything.  What I ate, drank,  everything has to be to his dictate.
Yet it is all done under the guise, that it is 'in my best interests'
and 'the family's interests'.
As time went by my old trusted friends were replaced and he attracted the new ones with his all embracing charm and flattery. His friends, I am forced to like for his sake. In many ways,  some have done very well out of him but much has been at my own financial expense.
The great question is. Does he love me? The answer is very hurtful to me, because it is a clear 'No'.
I am very useful to him. He even tells me that I have a better standard of living because of him. This is just not true,  I put far more into the family budget than he ever has!  But we never discuss that. He would regard that as criticism and he cannot cope with any kind of rational thought. In fact it is practically a crime not to agree with everything he says. He treats it as an insult and goes into a sulk and will not talk to me for long periods if he feels he has been challenged in any way.
The problem I face is that I am trapped. After years of his
dominance, I fear a future without him. He is a bully, cold and
unloving but it is all I have known for years.
To break free would be so hard. The divorce would be long and messy but at least, not all that expensive. Friends know that I am very unhappy with my lot but they tell me that I could not exist without my husband. Sometimes, I think that they have other reasons for wanting us to stay together and that they do not really have my interests at heart at all. They tell me about the bills, the house the family and that I would be ruined if I were to leave my husband.
I think the truth is that my husband wants us to stay together because I am really his meal ticket. It would be a blow to his ego if I walked away. He cannot cope with criticism and I know he would react badly but it would be me who would win - not him!
There are practical issues that I would need to address such as where would I live?  Even perhaps, where would I shop?  What about the new friends, would they want anything to do with me?
Yet I know I have so much to offer. The problem is, after years of his dominance and negativity towards me, I am not sure that I have the confidence to break free and go it alone.
I look with envy at those who can make their own decisions.  Could I achieve this or must I stay in this unhappy marriage?
Other couples break up as a result of some great crisis but I do not want that to happen, I just want to get out now, if only I could.
What  will happen in the future I do not know. Some say he will change. (Ha!) If only you would discuss your problems but there is now no point. He is incapable of change. There is no flexibility in him at all.  He made the tyrannical rules even before our marriage then blames me if things do not work out.  He tells me I am narrow minded and have an island mentality.  However, what I find most hurtful is the way he blames me if anything goes wrong,  Its always my fault.  If only I could be more in tune with him - how much better life would be for us both.  But really I know that it is not true.
We are in a marriage without love and I know we do not have a future together.
Yes I must take charge  of my own destiny,  change the locks on the doors,  put my arms in the air, dance round my hand bag and sing 'I will survive'.

Vote No to the EU! 


Many thanks, Bob. Brilliant!