'My best friend is having an affair and some of his friends cut him dead the minute it came out. I knew the real story: he hadn’t had sex with his wife for four years (her choice) and put up with blistering, withering put-downs daily. Who could blame him for seeking kindness, sex and love elsewhere?'
Affairs are often painted in black-and-white terms: the cheater is the villain, and the betrayed partner is the victim. But relationships are complex, and infidelity is rarely so straightforward.
Both partners usually contribute to the dynamics that led to the affair, even if one acted on those dynamics inappropriately.
Understanding this doesn’t absolve blame but it does help paint a fuller, more realistic picture of where it all went wrong.
Blogger: 100% inexperienced as I am in such matters, I am only slightly surprised with the conclusions above. I seem to recall that my marriage vows did require each party to assuage the sexual needs of the other. Where the vows have not been kept by one person, it does seem rather unfair on the victim not to be allowed to seek solace outside the marriage. In fact, I am certain that the 'withholding sin' is equally as bad as adultery itself.
I strongly suspect that this is the cause of the majority of affairs and consequent marriage breakdowns. The cuckolded, withholding partner gets the sympathy - and yet, their sin is the cause of the sin by their marriage partner. Blame attaches for this!
In a Christian marriage, so-called cheating is simply not permissible. Many matters work against Christians 'doing the right thing' across many difficult questions but that is what God expects of us. We must play the hand that we are dealt.
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