Report from a junior to a senior alien.

Okay. So I come from another planet - (What do you mean that you had already suspected this?) - and I want to find out what Christianity is all about as I have a report to send in to The Chief Alien. (Pictured left.)
So naturally, I turn to the media to help me.

Well sir, clearly it is a singalong kind of religion as revealed by Songs of Praise on BBC 1.
But it is drama, soaps and comedies which I had to turn to, to gain the bulk of my information.
Then all becomes much more clear. Christians are a collective of: total hypocrites, wild extremism, pettymindedness, the barely sane, the manipulative, the terminally simple and those who waggle fingers severely at other members of the public.
Naturally, as a corollary, there is a deeply sinister side to all of this tomfoolery which is proved conclusively by the fact that Islam has some members who fly aircraft into buildings and some who decapitate kidnap victims. (You cannot escape 'guilt by association' in 'the religion business'.)
If I turn to the universities and theological colleges, I struggle to get down to the original thinking but find that a great deal is done investigating tangents which have little relevance to the basics. This has just tended to confuse me, I'm afraid, Your Alienness.
Returning to TV - I can be educated much better by apparently wild theories which clearly must have substance because they appear on the various education channels found on SKY TV!
Strangely, if I watch discussion programmes about religion, more than half of the 'believers' served up appear not to believe at all.

What a good job I had no Christian education in alien school. All of these things I have reported give a far more accurate picture. I think.
Report ends.